Sand - xxx -

- another "memoir" of when I was playing junkie



I sat there on my knees in front of the glass table trying to talk myself out of snorting a line of heroin. All that came to mind as its prosecution was a lifetime of addiction and most likely death involving a finale of feces. So I leaned in toward the table with nostrils flopping like Dumbo’s ears. He watched me from the corner of his high eye-sockets. I leaned out.
“Nope, can’t do it!” I declared with confidence of a black girl doing a class Show and Tell in the 50’s white middle school.
“Okay” he said nodding slightly.
“This is terribly bad, you know? Up the ladder they said and here I am, a rung away” I lectured.
“Yep” he said, for the first time without a long drawn explanation. I was expecting some kind of peer pressure, bit of begging, coaxing but here I was left to make my own decision. I leaned in. I forgot what color the heroin had been, yellow or white, but it was perfectly cut, laying there like an old fashion grave with a pinched spine. A little closer...closer...my neck moved by the millimeter like a fork being bent, until there was no turning back for the atmosphere right above heroin has no oxygen and the only way to survive is to have a quick sniff.
Snorting heroin is more common than people think, that is, if you have friends like mine. The body, on heroin, feels like a cold hand when sliding into a woolen glove then like fingertips next to a roaring fire. Your head feels like a crown of thorns fell from the sky but instead of pain it injected your brain with the universe, stars, dust, satellites and all, bringing with it the ability to resist gravity. Sounds enticing? Do it two or three more times and then stop and those fingertips will be scorched to the bone and the universe will bombard you with asteroids of pain and depression deeper then a black hole. I am now sober a year – well almost, us addicts like to add a month or so to our count – and never want to mess with that stuff again.
At first we fucked on heroin. Hours upon hours of jumping on the bed like fleas in their prime. The bed, like in a séance, moved around the room as we hopped on it feverishly. He stayed hard and I stayed vigilant. Sweating and naked we would come out into the living room to drink water (alcohol is rather weak as compared to the whole goddamn universe in your head), smoke a cigarette and have another line. Sometimes Josh’s roommate and his girlfriend, quite the sexy heroin addicts, would stroll into the living room. A few awkward “heys” would ring around the room and bounce off the beam of light sneaking through a slit in the curtained window.
“We can hear you all the way on the other side of the apartment.”
“Haha. Yea?”
All the junkies smiled.

I am going to blame the person who wrote about Jesus for this. He an Opium addict. And because people loved Jesus they started doing drugs too, until it reached the people that were not believers in God and they wanted to see him, and used drugs to do it, thinking it was the only way. Now, drugs is an official Olympic sport.
No, I'm not hating on you, Ina, not at all. I think this was gloriously written due to the fact that you retold a story that shouldn't have been remembered. At least, I wouldn't remember it.
Stay sober.

I remember those days fondly. I dont regret it. I am afraid I WILL forget them, and then a chunk of a life so diabolically clever will be gone forever. I am not condoning drugs I just think they are as important in some people's growth as is travel. Their evil is perpetuated through people who are afraid (who are D.A.R.E brain washed) and those who have weak personalities (addictive personalities) and cant control their life.

Ina wrote:D.A.R.E

What does the acronym stand for?

Jen wrote:

Ina wrote:D.A.R.E

What does the acronym stand for?

you never had DARE in your elementary school...wait by the time you were in sixth grade i think they already cancelled the program. it was not getting any results....it was a lame way to teach kids not to drink or do drugs....usually taught by a fat tired policeman...it was tragic..

D. - Drug
A. - Abuse - misuse of...
R. - Resistance - to say no to...
E. - Education - to learn

Yeah its the injecting that gets all the press. I'm glad youre off that shite. The 'having the universe' in your head reminds of the way some people describe schiz...but i imagine heroin blasts your mind clean rather than crowding anything and everything into it. I am curious but i doubt i would try it given the chance; im trying to rid myself of toxins...constantly. You know, i drew a picture of you a while back and i surrounded you with opium poppies, but had no idea you were on heroin then.

Love it, i wonder if anything in one persons mind has anything to do with another persons state of mind...coincident or connection...i have always been a skeptic but sometimes I am swayed. I think i would like to see the drawing, is there any way of this being done? if not then i will keep on wondering...

This was a really good read, and a little surprising, too. I never knew that much about you, but then again, I don't like to pry into people like that. It's great that you got over it, that does show a lot of self control as most succumb to it. I kind of feel a sensation of 'proud' in this, too. Strange, ne?

Ina wrote:Love it, i wonder if anything in one persons mind has anything to do with another persons state of mind...coincident or connection...i have always been a skeptic but sometimes I am swayed. I think i would like to see the drawing, is there any way of this being done? if not then i will keep on wondering...

I'd say that there are possible mental connections. I've had quite some 'coincidences' with my ladyfriend thinking the same thing and often some other things that really affect my day (such as slouching forward a hell of a lot more than normal. )

P.S.
I still have a D.A.R.E. t-shirt back from Elm. school... it still fits. >,<

Yeah, I don't remember any of that. I am Canadian after all, not sure they had it in our schools. We had Public Service Announcements like the ones with the mice and the "don't you put it in your mouth" crazyfaces.

You know...i dont remember ever being shown any instructive films like that...there was one...where a boy touched a powerline and set on fire. I dont remember drugs ever being mentioned at either of my schools.

I have tried telepathy but the only person i seem to get any results is is with my mum, which is not ideal. I also had the strongest reaction to 'healing hands' with my mum too; she said it felt like i was burning her with a lighter

I could take a pic of the drawing, but, i didnt finish it cause it wasnt going very well. I had thought i might re-do it at some point and correct the bits im not happy with (which is roughly 80%)

I'm finding this a bit embarrassing. So many things went wrong with this. At some point i expect i'll do a 2nd better version (probably in a different style - perhaps water colours) but this is all i have of my original idea at the moment. Its supposed to be symbolist and is inspired a bit by Aubrey Beardsley.

[img]url=https://servimg.com/view/12180824/8][/url][/img]

btw i was hoping this was Polish for 'all of me' or 'everything of me' ??

[img][/img]

do you know how long i have been looking for this thread? do you?
I could not for the life of me remember where it was, where i saw those drawings...permanent alcohol poisoning, which by the way HUGE hangover right now, so bear haha BEAR with me.
I am so impressed with the drawing, why because you managed to capture my feline-ism without making it awkward. and this guy on the train tried to do a portrait of me and it lOOKED awful and in Italy this woman tried to do the same and it look...horrible...Not to mention the plecenta around it, the poppies and the various additions.. this is so fickle but I am going to put this as my [myspace] profile if you allow it, it is quite original in its style and I am so proud SO HAPPY that you made this.
I wish i could see the original because the details of the hand through the hair looks brilliant but i cannot see it well on a computer screen (i actually zoomed it on all parts of the picture ). The bird, the hive, the one un-pupil-ed pupil. WHy a cell phone?

i am so incredibly happy.i adore you, ef- it

all of me, is actually "wszystko czym ja jestem." what you wrote is "from me" but brilliant anyway.

dziekuje.

damn free online translations!

This is the first version, thats why it has so many things i want to correct. Seeing as you like it i will re-do it (with correct polish) :>

The 'ina-fone' is referance to your myspace pics. I dont think it looks that much like you, it was the expression i wanted...it was something your mouth was doing that drew me to the original pic.

it looks so twisted I love it love it.

so can i use it as a profile pic?

thhanksyou

and let the plot be as twisted as life, let the birds sing and avalon sign the way to peace beer be damned. Three paths to forgiveness i will take none